If you’d like an actual, not silly, article about this subject, go here.

Inspired by a rum-punch hangover conversation:

SCRIPT FOR A VERY SHORT DOCUMENTARY FILM
ABOUT NUT MILK PRODUCTION

Mid-shot carton on green screen, labelled NUT MILK.

Narrator: Nut Milk. A common everyday product
for many vegans. But just how
is it made and is it humane?

Cut to wide shot, pastures, slow
zoom, accelerating into individual
blades of grass.

Narrator: Here on the Great Pastures
Of Al-mond, the nuts
are farmed.

General Views of nuts
grazing…

Narrator: They are tended
the much smaller
peanuts, specially trained
to herd and milk them.

Cut to outside
macro shot

Narrator: The Dairy…

SFX: Ominous music.

Cutaway of carton pouring
into cereal. Slow zoom
onto flow of white, turn-
ing slowly red.

Narrator: But it’s what happens next
that causes
the controversy…